so it's nearing the end of school, and i know i'm going to have to say goodbye to everyone. my friend put it perfectly tonight. we were all standing around on my front step and the guys were about to leave. i could tell that no one really wanted to leave. it was our last goodbye for the summer. and for me, an entire year. we all decided to meet for lunch again tomorrow. and brandon said, "we all keep looking for more reasons to spend time with each other so that we don't have to say goodbye." and that's true. i don't want to say goodbye. i mean, i don't mean to sound melodramatic. but i love these guys. and i know i will see them. but it'll just be different.

i don't normally hate change. and a part of me, however small, is looking forward to the change of pace. but i'm mostly hating the changes. i hate that i will be leaving everything. i hate that i'll be working instead of going to school. i hate that i'll be so far from everyone i love. i can't imagine how different everything will be. and i want to do something productive with my life. but i don't see where i'm headed. i just feel like i'm losing everything good. and replacing it with everything i never wanted.